cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals Well, today at lunch Lisa was all over me. It was awesome. I realized today that I am totally afraid to be around Ashley, I don't want to really get into that issue. I just don't like the situation i'm in with her. But anyways, after lunch we went back to Dr. Knowles room and someone in the video said gay.. and then Shareka said "this movie is gay", then I said outloud "This is homosexual". It was a trip for the people who heard it. I mean it's not worth getting wrote up unless I actually get the attention from doing it, and I didn't. A couple people heard it. But it was funny. I don't think I'll get in too much trouble, but we'll see. I have to go to my psychologist today, I don't really feel all too well about that. I am going to miss Stroke 9 tonight, but that's OK. I've already seen them twice before. I have like 45 minutes in this room before my mom comes and picks me up. I have this burning feeling inside of me telling me this is not the right relationship. I always have it. The last time I didn't have it was with Mindy. But she went off and dyed her hair black so she could dump me. I don't think that is very fair at all, in fact it really upsets me because I don't find it to be fair to me. I mean, shit, I liked her alot. I would love to go back out with her, but I've lost her necklace, her book isn't in good shape (well the binding for the cover came off). I don't know what to do. Maybe I don't deserve her. She was fun to hold though, at times. She was fun to make out with too. But we won't go into that. I'm tired of sneaking around school not holding hands with Lisa because she's afraid her sister will find out. I mean fuck that, that's not cool. I told her she needs to tell her parents, or we are going to break up. That's when she started holding me. That was awesome, but anytime other then lunch she never touches me. And other than today, she barely touches me at lunch because her sister's best-friend has that lunch. It's really really upsetting to me. Amy M. is getting Valerie Y.'s phone number for me so I can talk to her, but that will be later. Anyways, I don't know how things will go at Dr. Martelli's. I think other than the past 2 days, I have been doing really good. I think in the last 2 days, i've just been under alot of stress, because I haven't had anything to do. I think that I am doing better. Even yesterday, I didn't yell, I comprimised. I think I comprimised maybe a little too much though. I think that's true. I think I was manipulative twoards my mom in getting me a CD. I think that my goal for this week is to try to not be so selfish, which makes me manipulative. But the things I will not accept are the holding hands issue. That has to be there, or there will be no relationship. What I want out of this situation is happiness and me helping myself to be less manipulative. I think that a win-win situation would be me not asking anything of anybody unless it is really necessary, except for the holding hand issue. I think that will be a win for my mom, a win for me, and a partial win for Lisa. I think I will make another goal to talk to Heather more on the phone. Either at 9 PM every night, or when she calls me. Is that a win-win for us Heather? Call me tomorrow and tell me, or if you get home before 10 PM, you may most certianly call me. Laura- we miss you here at school. I told Mrs. Cisco about you being in alt. school and Chrissy started saying "yay, that's the best news i've heard all day". I was a little pissed off inside, I was thinking "man, I was just starting to think that you are getting to be a better person, as am I, but why do you have to go off and say something indirectly about someone. If you have a problem with someone why don't you just tell them". And I didn't say anything, instead I wrote down my feelings and then I threw the paper away. I came to a realization that Chrissy is doing alot better, as am I. Chrissy just wants to have fun, and sometimes comments like that can make you feel better. Of course I am against the comment, but I can see why she is saying them. Chrissy is smart and she says that because she thinks it is right. What do I know, I don't live Chrissy's life, but hey, she might be right. I was mad because I was looking at things from my view, but the truth is I can see why she says stuff, when I look at her view, all I see is Zoe and I making comments about Chrissy. I was sorta hipocritic for being mad. So here is my goal. My goal for this week is also to not make any bad comments about anyone. Here is my goal list: Goal: Be less selfish, less manipulative Determined by: Mom, Lisa, Friends (esp. Heather H.) Duration: 1 Week Goal: Talk to Heather Holmes more Determined by: Heather H. Duration: 1 Week Goal: Make no comments about anyone in a negative manner. Determined by: Chrissy (if she wants to judge, she can, she can contact me however she likes about it), Heather Holmes, Laura, everyone. Duration: 1 Week Well, that is basically everything Moo Love Tim PS: E-mail me if you would be interested in a newsletter about our group of people.
14:03:11 - 2000-03-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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