cuke15's Diaryland Diary

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82nd Entry, Chrissy, Katie, Ashley, Downward Spiral

Well, I went through the first detention, it was 1 hour and 15 minutes long and it was boring and depressing (mostly because it was in the band room). I wrote a 5 page note to Ashley, though. When I got home, Billy called and asked me to go to the library with him to type up his report. I said yes, because I love Billy. So he rolls up my driveway in his camero and we wisk away to the library where we sit for 2 hours typing a report and looking up information, spending $1.20 on paper. When I got home I talked to Michelle, Shawn, and then Ashley called. It was so good to hear her voice, as I think I am slipping into a downward spiral into deep depression. But that's ok, because it doesn't have anything to do with Ashley or Chrissy. It has to do with my medicine, I believe. I think Shawn is moving into my locker tomorrow, that's cool. I felt alot better after I talked to her. I then told Shawn that Chrissy kept sitting in front of me in World History to talk to Brandon Woody like it was nothing. People have told me I should beat her ass, but I know I shouldn't because Chrissy doesn't deserve that. But sometimes I sit there and wonder, god... is she doing this to get my attention? I know she'll deny it no matter what. I know that much for a fact. But I sit here and wonder that. God, she knows it makes me sick to be around her, and she fucking sits right in front of me. She'll keep doing it to, probably. It doesn't matter to her though. If she moves out of her assigned seat, I think that gives me permission enough to move out of mine. I have to go to the doctors tomorrow. WooHoo. Maybe he'll give me drugs. I need to tell him about my depression so he can help me with it. I feel I am depressed because I have been stressed from school. My grades are lacking, I don't feel the urge to do my work, I try to piss my teachers off, and worst of all, I have to watch Chrissy. So I think I will tell my psychologist that much and see what he thinks. I hope they change my classes soon, because I don't want to be around Chrissy when she thinks i'm selfish when all I ask is for a fair chance. It doesn't matter though, because I feel I have found someone who is alot easier to cope with, and alot easier to talk with then Chrissy. I know afterwards Ashley and I will be great friends, I don't know if it'll end, at the moment I sure hope not, because God, she makes me feel so good. I just sit here with my Chalupa/Angel dog and think. Thinking never killed anyone, except Kurt Cobain and many others. I keep remembering when I feel down to think of "Dumpweed" by Blink-182, as recommened from my cousin Kim, but then I feel the lyrics don't describe about how she is too hyper and it drives you crazy coz all you hear is her. I know that is a weird type statement, maybe even complaint. But does anyone have a song or something I could think of then? ASHLEY AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 WEEKS and 5 DAYS. Thursday will be 3 weeks. We sat in the same chair at lunch, I think she likes me holding her in my arms. I think everyone likes seeing her and I happy together, except for the administrators, but hey, they hardly ever say anything when they do say something. In fact, Ashley and I have only been talked to twice out of the 10081350983 times we have kissed. Once by some lady who just said "no kissing" and once by Mrs. Cisco after our first kiss. No big deal, I don't think the teachers really care about just an innocent kiss. I have Spanish homework to do. I did my Algebra homework. I am very proud of myself for that, well before the night ends I am going to call Michelle and tell her goodnight, I am going to write Ashley, as I can't call her after 9. She did tell me goodnight and I love you. That made me really happy. I'm proud of her, she's making a 100.7 in Geometry (yet, she still wants a higher grade). This weekend Billy and I are probably going to buy Stroke 9 and Vertical Horizon tickets for a Tallahasse or Jacksonville show, I would buy Katie one, as she wants to go, but she is grounded. SO UNCOOL!!! Oh yeah Katie, e-mail me when you read this tomorrow morning, OK babe? Thanks. I hurt my toe pretty fucking badly when I was on the phone with my babe Laura, I turned over and hit my dresser on accident. My toe is cut, but hey, it's all cool. Sharika called me Timmy today, that felt cool. Sharika and I are cool like that, she's my girl. Pika what? Pika chu? I wonder if Anna has the internet, if so I can give her this address and my internet address. Things are going bad, in my state of depression, I guess the only thing to say is things will get better.

I love you all,

Tim