cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- God, how to describe, how about "stuff" Hola! Stephanie chipped her tooth at lunch. She was crying. Alicia bought me a Christmas card (That makes 13 so far), which was cool. Billy bought me a $60 present relating to cows, I wonder what it is. I have a 10 dollar gift card for wal-mart, which I got at the party yesterday. I got two gifts I would love to share with you. Today, I saw Shawn and he was with Chrissy. I just ignored the monkey and proceded to give him a hug. I was so happy to see him. I talked to him last night on the phone. I was dressed up like a prep today, it's kind of cool. Sheri says I look nice and I should dress like this more often. That was the first gift, someone so special in my life moving back, I feel so good today. The next gift is the one I felt when I gave Ashley a flower at lunch. I saw her smile and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was cool. Heather Hunter asked her out for me and I think today she is going to say "yes". I was all over her at lunch. I had my arms around her rubbing her belly, kissing her cheek, putting my head up to hers. It was like we were going out be we aren't. I just wanted to give her a kiss. I gave all my candy to Kristina at lunch. I think she's happy now. I had Michelle take my withdrawl papers (drop-out), but I took them back just in case. I've been listening to my old CD's lately ("music", "live", and "grassroots" by 311, Paula Abdul (sp?) <-- gotta love., old bizkit, and Stone Temple Pilots "Purple" and the self titled CD.) I am still working on "Ooh" and "Do Right", and Billy has taught me how to play "Miserable" by Lit, since I bought the CD. Lit is easier to play then Stroke 9, and I am the God at playing Stroke 9 music. I haven't been thinking about Katie as much today because I think she is finally feeling better. I got afterschool detention on 1/4/2000 & 1/5/2000 for skipping Mrs. Strycowski's detention (stupid woman). She can be nice though, I admit it. There is 22 minutes left in class. Anyways, yesterday night I called Michelle and poured my heart out to her about dropping out, afraid to be by myself, worrying Shawn won't pay attention to me if Chrissy's always there. And that all changed before 1st period today when I saw Shawn and just ignored Chrissy. I was shaking when I went to sleep because I was alone. I stayed on the phone for 30 minutes when Michelle was sleeping.. I whispered "Good night" and hung up. I loved the feeling that she was there for me (not awake, though), it made me feel so good that she wouldn't hang up the phone because she was worried about me. Dropping out is out of the picture, for now. I can't wait to get on the bus and give Katie a big hug. I didn't get to see her yesterday afternoon because of the memorial service for a friend of her family who died. I've done all my work today because I am so happy. I finished my World History work first yesterday, I finished my Science work first today, and I did the same in Algebra, all because I can concentrate because I know Shawn is within the school. If I need him I will just go to guidance and have them call him up there. It's very comforting. I survived so long without him because Chrissy has been here for me, I barely survived after we broke up, then Laura came in and helped, now Katie comes in.. and now Shawn. Billy's been helping 24/7. He has given me religious support. There is 15 minutes left to write, so I will have said alot more. There are sometimes I write just to write, and there are sometimes I can just keep typing, and then there are some times I am under a time limit. I can type for 15 minutes and I can keep typing, because I really feel the urge to talk and the only person I want to talk to in here is Jamie, Russell is making me a little upset right now, but we won't go into that stuff. I shouldn't even really be upset because it mostly concerns him and Katie. I can't wait to see what Mrs. Mixon says next period when I go "I got my work!". She'll either be really nice or she'll be like "Tim, be quiet". It just depends. I dressed up like a prep today, Sheri says I should do it more often. I have to look forward to an answer from Ashley by the end of the day (HOPEFULLY), seeing Shawn, and having my sit-down talk with Katie. All of those are happy thoughts, except for the fact Chrissy is probably going to run in front of me and be with Shawn.. that sucks. Oh well, I'll get over it. I'll just talk to Jon if that is the case. Or I could just ignore Chrissy like this morning. I wrote Shawn a note that I didn't give him which I am about to write tad bits of it in here. Here it is: I'm writing ot tell you that I am so happy you are back. I am normal except for the stuff with Chrissy. God, I want to be her friend so bad, all my friends say "she doesn't deserve you.. she dropped you, got a new boyfriend the next day, dropped him to go back out with you but just led you on, and just earlier this week she just led you on again". In my brain I say "dude, she didn't mean it to harm" & in my heart it's like "God you love her, but she hurt you so bad & things will only work out if you are going out again because you get jealous of her boyfriends plus you want to test her love (or once love)& care for you. I just don't know that's why we'll never be together again because she just wants to be friends and I just want to be more. I get so emotional aorund her. Do you understand where i'm at now? People who say I shouldn't talk to her: Katie, Billy, Laura, Amy, Michelle, Ashley S., Stephanie, and me (kind of). Those are my strongest friends, besides you. You and Laura and Billy will always be the strongest. I would like to know your opinion now that you know my side of the story. Call me or write back. Love Tim PS You've always been here and that's why I love you. (not in that way, YOU SICKO!) OK That's the end of the note. There is four minutes left in class, so I think i'll leave you people with that. I know you are trying to decide if i'm happy or not. I guess I could say... "both". Tim I love you all. I do. Listen to Paula Abdul, she is the god of all music. 13:54:25 - 1999-12-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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