cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chrissy, Katie, Warnings, Well, I've finally stood up for myself. Chrissy was talking about how we need to compromise and how if I don't compromise with her then I have more problems. The fact of the matter is she has been my only problem and the reason I'm not going to compromise anymore is because she isn't going to give me what I deserve. If I would have listened to Katie, I wouldn't have been hurt. Now, I'm going to listen to Michelle and not take anything she says to heart, because she is just weeding out a way to get me to be her friend, and in reality nothing more. Michelle says there is no doubt that I deserve another chance, but she also says it's not worth it. I think I have been realizing that all day today. I'm not going to stand and wait around for an unfulfilling relationship that wouldn't work out. If it would work out she would have given me my fair chance. I've been receiving warnings all day. Nicole & Lyndie in 6th, Katie on the bus, Michelle now. I guess I'm actually going to take their advice and not go with what Chrissy is saying. Because Chrissy has only sat here and told me all this shit, the fact is she said she was wrong for breaking up with me, that means straight out I deserve another chance. She expects me to wait, hell no. I have tried too hard. TOO FUCKING HARD. For example: Today, I couldn't breathe because I knew she was going to come up with some reason why she couldn't go out with me. She said she didn't think I really asked her. Even so, all the signs I gave her today should have meant something. I know Billy is going to be mad tomorrow when Billy hears about it. Billy was on the bus and we were talking about Chrissy. And Ty was like talking about how he was going to ask her out. I told Ty.. "yeah, whatever makes her happy". And then Melissa asked "Do you still go out with that girl... I don't know her name, but she likes monkeys", and Billy did still know I like her and that I was expecting something.. so Billy said this out of his mind, not concerning the events of the day.. Billy said "Yeah, I think her name is... stupid bitch".. Katie started laughing. I think Katie likes laughing at things that make fun of Chrissy. Yes, I laughed, because I knew nothing was going to come of today. Melissa half-laughed. I don't think Ty was paying attention. I guess the good part is that Billy was telling me right there in an indirect way.. "back off, you don't need her". Another person that gave me a warning today was Amy in the lunch line when I was standing by Heather Holmes.. Amy was like.. "Just be careful" and I was like "OK".. and then we started talking about the cow poster (which i've seen 1000 times) that everyone says they are going to buy me... the cow testing field for viagra. I'll just buy it for myself. Stroke 9 sent me another secluded e-mail today.. it stated.. "So, how are things with the little bitch?".. I laugh at these e-mails. I think they actually care, it's kind of cool. They were like.. "Tim, What's Up? How are things with the little bitch? Hopefully you aren't being suicidal. Catch us on MTV when our new video "Letters" world premiers" I thought that was cool how they like.. e-mail ME. It makes you sit and think how many others they do that to... maybe 10? Nicole actually wrote me a note today, it was pretty cool. Lyndie always writes me notes. I stopped writing notes to everyone except Katie, because everyone will write me and ask them to write them and I can't handle the pressure. I think that if Katie breaks up with Russell (it'll be hard for her if she does), that I'll give Katie some time, I think I'll talk to her, ask her if she needs her a hug all the time. Just be there for her. I don't know necessarily if i'll try to get her off the rebound because I am totally worried about her & I don't know if she likes me. All I know is that if we ever do go out again, it'll have to stay on the massive downlow. I don't want Katie staying around in a relationship where she'll get hurt, because if she stays around, then when she finally gets fed up.. she'll be even more hurt, because she'll have been hurt for the past time in which she didn't break up with him, and she'll remain hurt for the time after they break up. Either way, I feel Katie is going to be hurt, and either way, I'm going to sit here and be here for her. I owe it to her. As I said before, Katie made me who I am today. I don't think I care how much support Chrissy has on her side, because the fact of the matter is they don't know my side of the story and her friends don't understand me. My friends know my side, and I guess that's all they need to know to tell me what I need to do. I've told Chrissy not to listen to your friends. That only applies to this matter. You have to listen sometimes, but when it comes to me you don't coz they don't know me. Woody doesn't know me, Darnell doesn't know me that well, Ty hardly knows me. She still wants to trust them. I'm above this I'm worth more than that. Laura just called and she said "bitch" (reffering to Chrissy), but she only says that because she's heard my side of the story, it's a mutual friendship thingee. I have to call Laura back. I think that what I've done is right, and I think I will be more comfortble without Chrissy in my life. They are giving me my long over-due schedule change at the end of the 6 weeks, so I can finally get the fuck out. Well, I'm out. Talk to ya chicas laters. Love Tim PS "how you gonna snap wif rock when I got da mic" Katie- if ya are reading this in 1st period, ya better e-mail me, woman and you better write me today and you better write in yoru diary.. *hugs*.. be happy OH yeah, today on the bus I gave Katie a hug, the first time in 3 years. I also found out she was ticklish on her feet.. I put my finger in her shoe and I was like "i'm fingering you" and she just started busting up laughing coz it was tickling her. Well, I have to go. 21:49:25 - 1999-12-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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