cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to Chrissy I want to cry so bad. It's not fair. I love Chrissy to death, now what am I supposed to do? I can't cry, I know next time I see her i'll either avoid her or cry, probably both. It's so hard. Why does it have to end like this? I thought love was permenant, how come she doesn't love me? Love can fix anything and I know that everything that was wrong with us could have easily been fixed. It's not fair that I can't be happy because I'm fucking dwelling on her. She was the best love of my life, and that's the final word. Who is left? God, I'm not even fucking special (speshul) anymore. Everytime I hear one of those 10 Planet Fest Bands, Every time I see a monkey, what the fuck am I going to do? Fucking cry. It's not fair. I can not fucking cope. I'm probably going to stay home from school for the rest of the week. God, I know one of these days i'll make eye contact with her and I'll just cry. It won't be funny. I know this shit is tough, damn, but it's never been this tough. Why do I ever fall in love?? Fuckin shit, all I do is get fucking hurt. I just want to be loved, that's all, i'm fucking afraid of being alone, and when Chrissy came along, it wasn't about being alone, it was about making Chrissy happy, now all it is about is finding someone else. Sometimes I don't understand. WHY did it have to end? She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, on the inside and out. This one flaw, about her not bieng able to handle a phase im going through coz my best friend moved, what the fuck am I going to do? Soon I will be normal again, I just wish it would be with her, because then she would be happy. Fucking shit. Why am I treated like this? Can't I just have some sympathy. My fucking best friend moved, and If she would have just brought something up and told me it was a serious problem, I could probably have not have told her about it. Then i wouldnt be taking it out on her, and she would be happy. I thought she would love to be the person who I went to for my problems. I think sometimes that I mess up the whole world. I don't know what is up with this. I just get on my knees and ask the Lord please give me another chance, please make it possible some way. I want to be with Chrissy until death do us part, but it is a two person process. So Chrissy if you read this, I ask you to please give me another chance, and I love you and that should be enough. I don't know what I will do without you. This is the REAL last time I will contact you. -- Tim 10:56:25 - 1999-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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