cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KoRn, Chrissy. BaLL TouNGE!!!!! Well, if you hadn't noticed, i'm at home listening to KoRn. Anyways, I hope Chrissy calls me today so I can tell her what happened. Then she can see how much shit I go through for her. Oh well, it was worth a fair try. She probably will already know by the time she reads this. So call me when you read this (and another one that I wrote at about 2 AM). "I. I am confused. Fighting myself. Wanting to give in, but needing your help." <-- Need To by KoRn. I'm getting my ass out of this hellhole, probably. Just have to confirm with my dad. That means someone has a chance to stop me still. I thought yesterday was the last chance, oh well, atleast she gets her last chance. I don't get why she just doesn't give me a chance, she says she loves me, that means she should want to, plus look at what's at stake. Seriously, my mom is pissed that we are broken up. I can't do anything about all that though, but my mom should call later today. That's true love if I can fucking get my mom calling someone. Lets see... stopped the caffiene pills... threatened (almost) suicide... had 9 cops take me to Camden Medical Center at night.. sat in a conference room for 3 hours, maybe moving, having my mom call.. isn't this getting a little obvious about what I want? Hell, I tried, and she still has some time. But it is obvious she's going to say no. Therefore I don't believe she loves me. Chrissy�if you read this�you don't love me. You refuse to prove it, there is something standing in the way of us bieng together that you actually care about. If you did love me there would be nothing strong enough to hold us apart. But no, you think I will manipulate you. That's some fucked up shit. I've done it to my ex-g/f's according to you.. here let me give you a list of folks to call... Michelle, Laura, Kim, Samantha, Katie, Danielle, Pattie, Melissa, Carly (yes Carly when I was young), Rachel, but she moved, Ashley, etc etc etc. I never went back for any of them this much. I gave up on Katie, but I don't want to give up on you... should I? If you say no and you say you love me, then you don't need time, you need to give me my shot now. This is the line between any relationship we ever have. If it's not now, we won't be able to work on a friendship, we won't be able to go out in the future, we won't be able to talk, etc. B/c I would be so let down. I guess that all goes in with my option to move, huh? I'm just getting some feelings out right now I don't mean to push this on anyone. Chrissy, call me if you want to talk, I don't give a shit, but ain't nothing going to be different from yesterday or the past weekend. Lets see.. let me ask this question again.. coz this one really bugs me... If she should break up with Kevin, why doesn't she? If she loves me, why isn't she with me? What's so hard about this? I don't know, I'm supposed to avoid stressful situations so I gotta skip that question, whenever I ask her she's like "I don't know" so I don't know what to do, I just think she's lying about the whole thing, because when I go this far I think she should atleast give me another chance, look at what's at stake. I'm not going to go into it, of course, because it'll make me look selfish, when all I want is what's right. I can't be with her I don't want to talk to her because I'm concerned about my health�that's the only selfish thing i've done. If I am with her, I think she would be more happy, but she doesn't listen. So you know, we'll work from there, how it's been the whole week, and i'll give it until Thursday 9 PM. Call me as much as you want, I don't give a fuck, but you can ask questions. You don't have to call either, but that just shows you don't give a fuck and you don't even want to think about it. So you know, if you love me, well, i'm not going into the if you love me shit.. it might be considered "manipulating" when all i'm trying to do is tell the truth. 10:49:26 - 1999-11-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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