cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Camden Medical Center, Cops, and Chrissy. Congratulations to me!!! I have now been in the mental health portion of CMC for the 5th Time. Laura called the cops coz I was hinting suicide. They didn't have shit on me though, I just told them the truth. They had like 8 cops, 1 had a bullet proof vest. Anyways, the dude (doctor) is putting me on counceling and he says I don't have to go to school as long as I don't want to. What a loss. Oh well, it's about time. This all stemmed from Chrissy. My mom is going to talk to Chrissy's parents and see why they hate me. This is kind of interesting to me. I told my mom that I told Chrissy about me hitting Katie, but I told her that I also told Chrissy that i've changed, and I have. If I didn't change there would have been a different course of actions from tonight. Anyways, I told my mom about why he wants to kill me and stuff. It doesn't matter. I still love her to death, but if she isn't going to break up with him and she's not going to give me a chance, she can go fuck off. I've waited all I can, If she really loved me (like she said she does), it wouldn't have been pushed this far. Oh hell no, she thinks i'm just manipulating her... like hell. I don't do that shit. Michelle said this to me: "You aren't the type to manipulate someone because you only are happy when you know something is perfect, and when you manipulate something you know it isn't 100% pure and right, therefore you have no reason to manipulate." Doesn't that just make perfect sense? Our football team won 1st round.. We are now playing #1 team in GA and #8 in the Nation. Can we say "fucked". I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. Chrissy, if you read this, I am here when you want to come back, but until then, ... just leave me alone. I tried, I just don't think she loves me. I don't mean to be mean to her, I'm just saying how things are. I still have the option to live with my dad, but first I have to do some shit down here.... I have to go to counceling atleast twice, have to go back to CMC tomorrow (wednesday) and do a follow up. They made me sign a sheet full of promises, I only signed a few though. They called (the police) Laura from the hospital. She said "hi" and "i'm worried".. It was the only time I laughed... she said "hi". Damn, i'm usually the one saving her. It doesn't matter though. I guess true love is when someone is willing to turn someone else in when they are endangering there health.. *sigh*, caffiene pills, suicide, ect. It doesn't matter. My doctors order says clearly "Stay away from stressful situations". That's exactly what I did in 6th Period.. I said "fuck this.. I'm fucking out of here". Got written up of course, but who gives a shit? She deserves it. Limp bizkit cancelled new years. Dude, I don't know what else to say. I'm happy for some reason, probably coz Chrissy said she got over me. Good, that means she won't come back, just like I knew she wouldn't (of course this hurts me, but who gives a flying fuck?). She knows she doesn't love me, so why does she fool herself? Everything was fucked up... my Yes/No ratio was 89 to 11. Last four times it was like 35 to 65. I've gotten worse, but it doesn't matter. The only no's were substance abuse and there was half for the time I did what I did with Chrissy in the movie theaters. I'm glad they asked these while my mom was away. It doesn't matter though. Hopefully Chrissy's parents will see after they talk to my parents, then Chrissy could talk to me, and then we could maybe hook back up. But my plan is avoid school until something makes of the situation. I don't know how i'm going to tell Ashley about all of this. I talked to her the first time about 30 minutes before all this stuff happened. I told her something is wrong and not to worry about it. Stephanie says Dr. Knowles is worried about me. Chrissy says Mrs. Mixon thinks I'm a loose cannon about to explode. I say you can suck my dick and fucking like it because I'm doing the best I fucking can. I deserve Chrissy. Period. So Chrissy, if you read this. Think. Think about what you've done. I don't know what else to say. God I'm a fool for still wanting to go out with you, but hey, maybe you can prove me wrong.. until then I am off of this fucking situation. She'll probably break up with Kevin and go out with someone else... figures. What's wrong with me? Nothing. I love you Tim "I wish I was speshul. You're so fucking speshul, but I'm a creep.. what the hell am I doing here?" --Creep Radiohead 01:34:35 - 1999-11-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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