cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note To Chrissy (5 Pages, Front Only) Note To Chrissy (5 Pages Front Only): Only read this if you are willing to help or if it concerns you (basically Kim & Chrissy) 11/19/99 6:31 PM Chrissy, Hey, how are you? I'm OK. I'm listening to some old Limp Bizkit and thinking. I don't really know what to write, anymore. My head hurts fairly bad. Let me rest for a little. OK, it's 8:04 now. I'm listening to Spider Monkey. They rule. Well, now it's Seven Nations. My head still hurts, i've been thinking ever since I said bye to you at the bus. Anyways, Liz got worried about me... God, she's so obsessed w/ me. Ahh dammit, she admits it too. You're the only one for me. That's why I broke up w/ Ashley. God, let me go think some more & get my thoughts gathered. It's 10:52 right now. I got your e-mail. God, Chrissy you had me thinking you were going to break up with him, and now you were thinking of ending it all? God, Chrissy i'm so hurt right now. Why the fuck did you ask my opinion if it's not going to effect the outcome? What the fuck am I going to do? I told you it was useless. God, i'm feeling so selfish right now, but i'm just telling you the truth. I left Ashley b/c I love you & want you back, but your not leaving. What the fuck? "EVERYBODY says that i'm stupid for staying wiht him after what he did & I don't even know why I'm still with him". God, Chrissy, that made me think you'd be broken up. Fuck, I can't believe this. If you love me then don't do this to me. I have NEVER given up another girl for someone else. God, how am I supposed to talk to you when I want you back? God, you don't understand, I thought you did. I'm finally over Shawn moving & i'm happy & if you put me on hold, it'll go away. I'm just warning you. Fuck Chrissy, you led me on. I thought i'd have you by 3:30 today. I know all you're going to say is sorry, but that's not going to help my love for you. I can't get back w/ anyone b/c I'm so worked up about you, you are the only one I can fucking want. It's useless, like I said. Why do you do this? Why? I can see you're torn. But you were like "I don't even know why i'm still with him". God i'm so fucked up. I just want you. Please atleast think about it. God, I don't know if I can trust you anymore, you didn't lie, and it's not your fault, I just feel led on. Fuck, what am I supposed to say? "Come back to me & leave Kevin?" Fuck that's too selfish & I don't run your life, even though that is what I want. I don't want to give you anymore advice, though. I see it doesn't have an impact. God, I felt so normal for the first time in 2 weeks when you actually walked me to my bus. I thought you were going to leave Kevin. God, you know how hurt I am. I left Ashley for you, but you aren't open. What the fuck? I'm not going to tell you what to do, just think about what he did, & you should be pissed at both of them equally, it's not fair. God, of course I'm trying to win you back, that was my plan. I guess I screwed up. When 20+ people tell you something, you usually listen. Why didn't you? You just hurt me. I was hurt from Kevin hurning you, hurt from Hale bieng hurt, & now I'm hurt b/c the plan didn't work. I fucked up. I shouldn't even give a fuck if this one incident is fucking me up like this, God, Why do I? I just want you back, that's all. I'm not going to stick around waiting for a while. Do you really love me? If you do, please think about what happened & think about what you've said, what I've said, what everyone's said. Don't hurt me anymore. I deserve better than that. I deserve you & I thought I'd have you.� "Just think about it". It doesn't matter right now if we're friends or not, b/c all I'm going to do is try & win you back, so don't expect anything else. God, if you should break up with him, do it. I've been waiting, I don't make your decisions, though. I guess I can tell you i'm not giving you too much longer before I get so hurt I leave the situation behind, then we'll have nothing to talk about. I don't know what to do. I want to wait, but I know you're just going to tell me why you should be w/ Kevin. I don't think you really do look at what he did or the fact i'm waiting. I want you to be happy, but I feel led on. God, i'll give you until Thursday before I leave the situation behind. My advice would be to reconsider & think. Hell, i'm not getting hurt anymore. So it's now or never. I hate doing this to you. But I hate bieng hurt. I don't deserve it. I just want you to be happy. Be with Kevin if it makes you more happy, but just think about all the things i've said. I LOVE YOU so much & if this note has no effect on you I don't know what to say. You are all I want, but if I can't have you, it's useless & I need to leave you behind & find someone new. It hurts so bad to say but it's true. Please don't show this note to anyone, it's the most personal note i've ever written. This is a love not mixed with a feeling of uselessness. I don't want to force you into anything, I'm just saying do what will make you more happy & forget about the bad part. I shouldn't even open my big fat ass mouth about your decisions, i'm just fucked up b/c the plan didn't go through. I'd do anything for you just to think about it one last time. So please do. I LOVE YOU Tim P.S. Remember� Thursday I wrote this online so she could have some extra time to think about it. Kim, if you have any questions, e-mail or call. I don't want this note to be seen from the wrong perspective, I know it's selfish, but most of it is just to make you happy, because I want to rid you of the problem of me bugging you to go out with me, either by you going out with me again, or you telling me it's impossible and me leaving the situation. Please don't feel upset about all this, you can't, you are too happy to feel upset, and I don't know what to say. -- Love, Tim Oh yeah, I'm not going to e-mail you Chrissy coz I don't want anyone reading this, so just e-mail me in response to this.. Love ya babe. 09:04:02 - 1999-11-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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