cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- conversation with Julie and the range of emotions that took place So I just got off the phone with Julie. We had a nice three hour conversation. I never realized the broad range of emotions I go through when I'm talking to Julie. I love it so much. She makes me feel things. From feeling happy from talking to her, from talking about life and the happy parts of it... to the fear when we talk about religion, and my fear of not knowing where I'm heading, to the sadness when she tells me her hurt puppy theory (we are jesus' hurt puppies...) and finally realizing that someone finally made it make sense to me, and the sadness that incurs knowing all I've gone through, and the size of everything, and how I couldn't possible comprehend. Then to the happiness as we talk about life again. Then to the melodramatic and sereneness of talking about St. Marys and our thoughts about it, then feeling fearful, concerned, and scared when she recalled her friend being shot point blank by a possessive ex-boyfriend.. but my content feeling knowing that I've overcome those exact same traits. Then being depressed, knowing of another couple where the boy is just like that, seeing that it might end that way if things ever fall apart. To the final content goodbye. We went through all the feelings, we drained everything we could tongiht. We accomplished everything. We lay our bodies to rest only to wake up tomorrow and recharge for the next time we are to talk. We have a general good time talkign to each other. An understanding no one can touch on, no one will touch on. The two things that make it like that, I believe, are our love for God, and our understanding and love for St. Marys. Hey, I mean... if Jesus is to me, what I was to Chalupa. Chalupa was a hurt and sick dog, but I had seen no wrong in her. I had wanted her to have the best possible outcome. If that's how I was to Chalupa, and if that's how God is to me. Then I think I finally understand. I mean, I'm trying. I think that is enough for right now. Julie said my heart was so pure in that I search for the truth and long for it. I guess maybe that's true. But it doesn't help the fact that I feel bad when I can't realize the truth, even though I know where the truth is. I know her hurt puppy theory will really help, though, because I can relate to that and I can see how that's true. Tim 3:16 a.m. - 2002-12-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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