cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sigh Well it seems as if Julie is ignoring me. It's fucked up. First she comes back and then she leaves. I'm so fucking crippled right now. I just don't know what to do. It's like she's playing a game. I cannot live like this, and I don't even want to try. I cannot ride this wave any longer. I'm locking my diary so no fucking people can read this, no one. I don't give a shit anymore. I'm sick of being thrown around. First Chrissy fucks me over until she realizes I'm doing good, and then she puts me on a fucking guilt trip. Then someone I love so much, Julie, comes along. I mess up, but it was hard not to. And things are rocky, which is OK.. yet she decides she needs me.. and then we start talking and she leaves in the mdidle of the conversation.. and she writes more entries in her journal.. so I MUST be being ignored. It fucking hurts, it hurts badly. I cannot take this. I am getting too much of this situation at one time. She acts as if nothings wrong, as if she doesn't even know me. It's fucked up and manipulative and I cannot fucking take it. This is unkind, and it's fucked all my life out of me and I cannot take it. I cannot take it. I just can't. It's so impossible. I don't know what I want right now, but it has nothing to do with living. I cannot take being fucked over right now. I just can't. I'm trying so hard to get my life back on shape and it seems as if the one person who set me right is trying to knock me down. It's like a fucking person making a card house. I can't take this. I won't take this. It's over. I just wish I could bring myself to do it. Maybe I will be able to. 12:46 a.m. - 2002-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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