cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bitching about father Hello people. How are you? Me? I'm fucking bored out of my fucking mind. Anyways, I woke up to check my computer and I had messages from Julie, Sarah (ew), and Melissa. I felt loved. Anyways, have I mentioned yet that I really dislike my father? I'm basically being forced to live with him and suck on his fucking dick (not literally) and do shit he says just to make him fucking feel better about himself. He only wants to control me so he can feel he has control of something in his life. It's fucking sick. It's like� "Oh, I can't control your mother, time to start controlling you." It's fucking bullshit. Of course he'll deny all that if I were to bring it up, but how else would you explain someone who once said "take as much time as you need and get a job when you're ready." to "you need to start finding a way to support yourself NOW." It's like, "What the fuck". Put aside the point that I've had plans to get a job so I don't have to hear his lame ass all the time, put all that aside and that is really a fucked up hypocritical thing to say. Just like him in general. You're damn right I wanna spend as much time of my life in fucking bed, but I want to at least earn the right to do that by working too. So don't worry, motherfucker, I will get a job and I will support myself; but as for you, fucker, I'm not doing it for you... you will never fucking control me. You've done that shit enough in the past nineteen years and instead of being a good father, you'd rather just portray the image of you being a good father to other people. Well fuck you. Try being a good father to me, and stop worrying what the fuck other people think. That's my opinion. I don't know how much he'd ever deny this shit if he reads this, but oh well. It's his own problem if he denies it. He thinks I'm a complete moron next to him, which is bullshit. There are some areas in my life where I am a million times better than he is, and one of those areas includes reading how other people feel and what they think. I don't know why I�m even bitching about this. I'm not even really upset right now; I'm actually doing decent. Maybe I want to deal with this shit now so I don't shove it in his fucking face and let him get the attention he wants. Another thing I hate when I live up there is I always have to watch lame ass music concert videos with him. I mean, lame ass shit... stuff I'm not interested in. Whenever he wants I have to and I fucking hate that. Of course he's just into music to be against the masses, which is stupid. He doesn't like all that jazz and shit because he really enjoys it, he likes it because he wants to act like he's fucking smart when if you truly liked jazz you'd listen to it not because it was soft, or because it made you seem more intellectual, but because it makes you feel good. That's why I listen to my music and that's why people should listen to their music, for the emotion and energy and passion. Music is one of the few things in which humans should act totally primal, that and sex. It should be natural and not forced, and with him, you know he's listening to music just to be different and that�s forcing it. That's my opinion. Well I'm done for now. Tim 3:14 p.m. - 2002-10-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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