cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my night. I guess everyone should know that I deleted some of the entries, but not a lot. Don't worry, though. I may add them later. Man, guys. I'm coming up on 3 years in this diary on the Friday after next. I just can't give up on this diary. I thought I could, and I thought I should, but I can't. I mean, how many things can you depend on now a days? This and Chalupa are all I can think of. And the general consensus seems to be that Chalupa is dying sometime soon *glares at Chrissy*. Oh well. Anyways, yesterday Chrissy, Kaylyn (sp?), Shawn, and Travis (I think) came over. It was pretty dandy. It was a good present to myself. Nice little going away present. I got to take Chrissy in my room and we had a deep little talk. I told her a lot, enough to make me about to cry. I just said whatever came to my mind and she was open to it. There weren�t a lot of deep words, but it was a pretty intense sorta mood, for me at least. I also told her that I realize our relationship is over. Somehow all that was pushed aside, though, and we shared a couple of last kisses. I guess it was better that way. That's the only way you can really cap off something we've had. I should learn when to stop trying for more though. Oh well, I'm a guy. I wanted to talk to Shawn too... but I didn't know what to say to him. I have so much to say to him and if I could I would hug him for a whole night, in not a gay sorta way, but like, as a great friend. Shawn has meant a lot to me, and I think I'm going to have to tell him that in a letter or something because I suck at talking to guys. I think he can relate. Chrissy fell asleep and Shawn and I watched TV and eventually Shawn fell asleep and I just turned on a music channel and listened to music and watched them. It was just like, these are the two most amazing people I've met in my life and seeing them here sleeping reminds me of everything we've went through. It all rushed through my mind and I knew at that point I'd probably end up reopening my diary sometime after they left. Life is so amazing. I don't know. I feel like fucking Butch Walker in "Until You See". I don't know. I wanted the night to last forever. This morning, they left and Chrissy was like "I'll see you someday." I'm sure I'll see her before I leave, but that still kinda makes you think. I really wish Leo were there too. I have a lot to say to her. I don't know. I'm just going to shut up now before I make myself cry again. I need to talk to Julie; I hope she's all right. Tim 7:46 p.m. - 2002-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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