cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- annoyances, figuring shit out fHello sexies. Sorry, to anyone who read that last entry and had it depress them. It was needed, though. I'm fucking loving the weather we're having right now. I went back to bed after Leonananana left from 7:30 AM to about 1 PM. I don't know if I've told you guys this or not, but I'm not speaking to my mother. I mean, what's the fucking point? If she wants to just throw me away for a guy she hasn't even known for a year than fuck her. On top of that, my dad keeps forwarding me lame ass shit. I don't fucking understand it. Why can't I just have parents that let me fucking live. I don't want my dad forwarding all me this shit and asking me for my opinion on it. I've got other things to keep my mind occupied with. If I had the ability to do shit like that I would still be in high school. He expects way too much out of me. He made me do this stupid lame ass IQ test and I had a 125 and he's convinced that's way below what I could of had. Yeah, well fuck him. I've taken all tests and my score is always between 120-130. He's fucking stupid, I'm serious. I just want to be left alone until I can get back up on my feet. I'm sure you guys know how that feels. I think Julie & Shawn know that feeling more than any of my other friends. I don't want to throw my opinion in on every little fucking thing. Especially shit that doesn't interest me. Oh well. I'm just bitching to let off steam. Boy, my diary has become horribly pessemistic lately. I apologize. Please understand, though, that I need this. I know what I need. I'm so ready for a job. That's what I need to keep me feeling good, but I guess I'll have to take a fall and land on my back again with no chance if I have to move. I've been reading Shawn's diary lately. He's a very beautiful person. I don't mean that in a homosexual sort of way, either. I mean.. he's got so much inside him that he feels. One of the few things my father has said to me that I actually like is that "you've been through more stuff in life than most people will ever be through, you've had a rough life.".. and I try to say that to people I believe are like that too.. Shawn, Julie, Chrissy.. we're all broken with rough lifes. It's amazing how we all can sometimes look up. Life really is good, yeah. But just surviving to this point is something to be completely proud of. I'm glad I have a generally optimistic view on life. It's fuckign amazing that I do. I love life, through all the shit that I've been through. But when I get pessemistic like I have been lately, it's completely essential for me to move on in life. I just can't let it get to a damaging level. I guess that makes sense. I mean, lately I've been employing the help of Chrissy to help me through what I'm going thru now (with the moving and such), and generally just by her showing concern and listening it makes things a little more tolerable. I think, though, that I'm going to have figure out this problem by myself. I'm still looking for a good side to the situation. Something signifcant. For some reason, I feel like saying something about the time Chrissy came over late at night this summer and I held her on my couch and she snuggled into me and I put my arms around her. That made me play "Melt with You" by Modern English. Blah. Sorry.. Just something soulful I had to think about. Tim 2:32 p.m. - 2002-09-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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