cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling bad Hello friends. Music for this entry will consist of mostly ATL music, "Cold as Hell", indie version, by the Marvelous 3. Some shit by Uncrowned, a song by Supermatic. If I make it I'll also throw in a Local H song and also Matchbox 20's "Long Day". Anyways, I don't know why I felt the urge to put down what I was gonna be listening to. Blah. I don't know why I woke up so early. I think I'm going up to Athens this weekend. I don't know. I don't want to go. Why would I want to go up there when I'm going to have to spend so much time up there? Don't get me wrong; it's a wonderful city. I just wish I was closer to the city. I'm not a country kinda kid. I'm supposed to live in suburbia. I don't know. I've stayed in big cities and lived in the country before and it's all so either underactive (country) or overstimulant (city). Saint Marys is the best of both worlds, though. You can be by yourself when you want to be, but when you don't wanna be.. you can go places and not have to worry about what kind of people will be there, because you know mostly everyone anyways. I've come a long way in 13 years of living here. I don't want to have climbed just to take a fall. I mean, I can understand when my friends actually do move. Do you realize how important this is? I would rather stay here than live. I told that to Chrissy last night. I don't know how far of a spiral I'm going to fall into if I go. I guess I can't really look at it like that. Maybe I need to look for a good side. *sigh* I guess I'll try and do that today. Julie confirmed everything for me yesterday. I was like "you've still got a piece of St. Marys in your heart, don't you?" and she said yes, of course. She hasn't lived here in so long. I don't know what's so special about St. Marys. There's no recreational value. I guess it's just the friends you get here and the memories of trying to create fun. I want these streets, not streets up there. That's a very big thing for me. I don't know why. I don't know why I woke up just to write this entry. If you ever had seen the last episode of Cheers, you might be able to relate. Diane came back, and Sam thought he loved her.. they were on a plane, but Sam decided to leave and thought it was the wrong decision and came back to the bar. They were talking about the meaning of life. As everyone left, Norm stayed after.. and he told Sam the reason for life is love, (probably the most serious thing he has said in the 13 seasons)... and he said that no matter what it is, whoever or whatever it is, that we love.. we always end up coming back to it in our hearts. He told Sam to look around him and he'd figure it out, then he left. Leaving Sam at the bar by himself. Now note, Sam has just lost the only girl he ever really loved in life and he's a former pitcher who lost everything he had to alcoholism. Now.. this is what makes me cry. His life is so horrible.. but he takes Norm's advice literally and looks around (he's the only one in the bar now). He looks around at his bar.. pauses for a second and says "I must be the luckiest son of a bitch alive." That's fucking beautiful. That's how Saint Marys makes me feel. I must be the luckiest son of a bitch alive. My life may be horrible, but this place makes me the luckiest son of a bitch alive. *sigh*. Wow, that was pretty depressing. I don't know. I'm glad I finally got to put everything down into words. Now I can look at things honestly and try and see if there is a good side to all this. Tim 5:43 a.m. - 2002-09-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||