cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Perks of Being A Wallflower finally hits me.. creating new realities for myself. Howdy. Here's today's horoscope: Dear Tim, here is your Horoscope for August 05, 2002 You could have some fun with your family today, Tim. You might decide to take a short trip with them. You'd enjoy getting out of town and going somewhere new. Take your kids to an amusement park and spend the day riding roller coasters. Find the nearest circus or simply go to the cinema. Find something to do that will help everyone to relax and to grow closer. -- Maybe I'll get to six flags today with them. Probably not though, they have work. Anyways, I stayed up til 3 again reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower.. and that was when Charlie finally made sense to me and I was able to relate to what he was saying.. so I grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote the following (I'll type in some stuff too): (I'll update the time on my diary.. I'm typing this at 11:32 AM, but the time will read 2:55 AM) 2:55 AM Wow.. Maybe this book is affecting me. I just spent the past two hours (I think) getting to the end of Part 3. It's very sad. I can relate to Charlie so much now. I used to think he was just being a moron (well.. more like, immature).. but on the last couple of pages of Part 3, where he "fucked up" and started talking about how he "deserved this"... (that's major de ja vu back to what I had seen in the Katie entry late last month) on those last couple of pages, I slipped away from reality for the first time while reading a book. I've felt it coming a lot reading "Brave New World," "Ask the Dust," and "The Perks..." but that was the first time I just completely was able to put myself out of my reality and into a story. I was able to feel exactly how he felt when people said certain things to him. In fact, a lot of the emotions & feeligns & conversations in the book I'm relating to...they seem like repeats of what has already been played out in my life. Part 3 was the part I could relate to most. Part 2 sorta annoyed me, even though I knew what he was talking about, and Part 1 just was too innocent to me for some reason and I thought it was almost fake. This reminds me of when I was talking to Katie earlier on...about how I like to just be alone & create my own reality for myself... this book is opening a new reality for myself.. atleast Part 3 is. I told Katie about how I feel just like Shannon Hoon in Blind Melon's "No Rain". How he's created his own reality for himself.. partially with books (e.g.: "and all I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my life away but it's a great escape") So true. I read past the quote Jan & I had been discussing and had seen it for something new. I like how Charlie put it... you should be happy when there's a unity & people are sharing the same things.. but usually you're not. You sincerely want (and need) it to be yours. I find my alone state right now very beautiful.. it's 3:10 AM.. "all I can do is read a book to stay awake" hehe.. let it rip my life away, but give me a new one.. as long as I have my soul, I can go through lots of realities and still have the intentions and good nature when I slip back into my reality which wasn't created by books. Tim 2:55 a.m. - 2002-08-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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