cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- in Athens, Jan(uary), Rina, Chrissy, Prince Hello friends.. I've made it to Athens. When I got here, I felt really bad.. which was weird considering I was average in the car and even happy before we left.. but when we got here everything just hurt so badly. The computer wasn't working so I couldn't write in my diary.. so I just played Injected for a bit on guitar over my dad's huge ass amp. It didn't help much. We went to Wal-mart and I felt bad.. almost to the point of crying.. on the brink of crying.. but I swallowed it in, but not enough to not release later. Anyways, I got online and talked to Jan(uary) and Rina. Rina is a great friend. I wish she lived here. She lets me talk openly and she tries to help me suss out situations. Jan(uary) is great to talk to as well. By the time I had swallowed the pain and actually got to talk to someone, it was a bit of annoyance with the outside world too... it was good to talk to Rina about the shit. Sadness, madness.. whatever. Yeah, anyways, my dad bought me Prince's hit collection and "Purple Rain" on DVD. Purple Rain wasn't a good idea for me to have watched last night because of how I was feeling. Very sad movie... sad with a happy ending, though. I don't know. I had seen a lot of myself in the character Prince played. Everyone should see the movie.. it's one of the best of all times. The soundtrack is like the 3rd best album of all times. Anyways, here's my horoscope: You will likely feel a lot of physical energy today, Tim, and will need a place to put it all. Grab your partner, your kids or your best friend and go do something fun! Whether in the bedroom, at the zoo or at the stadium, you'll find a creative and pleasurable way to burn off some of that energy surplus you're feeling. And whatever you spend that energy on, they'll probably have just as much fun as you will! Imma play guitar! Really loud and proud. I felt physical energy when I woke up. I busted up my dads stereo system to as loud as I could stand and played "Purple Rain". It was fucking grand. I woke up feeling better, probably because I got to talk to Jan(uary) and Rina last night. It really helped. I had a dream and I don't know what about it, but it scared the hell out of me. I woke up when someone said "it turns out we haven't had an actual government for five years". Something about how the US Government wasn't really the government. I don't know... something about that scared me.. because it meant the US wasn't around anymore. Oh well, right? Just a dream. I woke up after that feeling I was about to get stabbed or some shit, it was really weird. Anyways, atleast the dream happened at a decent time and I woke up afterwards and felt fully refreshed. I'm actually kind of glad I came here. It may get annoying at times, but it's a break from Camden County. I love Camden County, though, but I'm sure anyone who lives there knows they need a break sometimes. I miss talking to Jan(uary), though. I've been talking to her at nights recently and we can't do that if we're long distance. Anyways, yeah.. things are better. I'm still thinking about Chrissy, still sitting at the table. I'm sure things will get worse and then better again.. Eventually the pain will stop fluctuating so much that it hurts.. I don't know. I don't know if she really hates me or if she wants me to think she hates me, because I told her so many times to get mad at me and shit so I don't have to keep bothering her or myself. I guess I don't need to know if she really hates me or not. It just kinda confuses the situation, but that's nothing new. Jan(uary) seems to really want to be with me. I'm trying to put everything into perspective. I'll have to update you more on that situation and my feelings about it too. Anyways.. I'm gonna go find something to do... gotta keep my mind busy. I don't want to just think about Chrissy all day when the situation is in a bad state. Things just seemed so helpless last night, but today they don't have to. They don't ever have to. I just have to find ways to get my energy out physically.. and if I can't do that, I can always come to my diary. Love, Tim 7:53 a.m. - 2002-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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