cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A whole entry about phone calls.. mostly about Chrissy.. a bit about Sheri and some friends Hello world. Heather Holmes called me and woke me up at 4:30 PM. It was great to talk to her. Things got to a slow start, but it was all cool coz I eventually got situated and woke up and we started 3-waying people. First we called Leo and Kazu! Kazu was at Leo's house. It was fun talking to them. I started telling them my deepest darkest secrets about how I could only go out with two people for the rest of my life. How I'm so curious about making out with Sheri. I'm not saying I'm not interested in Sheri. Making out could provide a gateway to some kind of bond and understanding.. or not. I can't stop thinking about making out with her. I keep thinking about not just conservative making out, but you know the all up on top of each other.. hands running up each others bodies.. breathing on each other.. that kind.. Blah. That just reminds me of Chrissy, though. The other person, is of course Chrissy. I can imagine the steamy making out, but more importantly, I can feel something with her.. in my heart and my soul and my brain. I don't know why I'm not more bothered by the current situation. Probably because I know it's making her happy. Oh well. Next we called Sheri. Heather kept trying to get me to tell Sheri I liked her. I do like her, but as a friend. I just have a make out desire for her. That's the only bridge there could be into something deeper. Allowing that would allow me to see her in a new light, and would allow me to talk to her with more security, and maybe would allow something more. That's doubtful though. I sound shallow, but it's really not. I wouldn't start a relationship ever on the basis of hot kissing. Well, not unless she wanted to. I think this is the second longest I've ever said to myself that I would ever only rather be with only this one person for the rest of my life, in a relationship. Strongest I've ever felt it too. It's depressing, but faith is in my heart. I get hurt when Shawn tells me about getting drunk with her. I don't know why. I guess I'm just overprotective about the whole thing. Oh well, though. Let her live. I'm not trying to obsess with this, just trying to make everything clear. Wait, I forgot, we called Justin (Chubs!) before we called Sheri. He was cool to talk to for a while. Nothing memorable, though. Then we called Sheri. Then we called CHEWY! I finally got to tell Chewy I read his diary all the time. He said I waste my time being interested in his life. I don't think so. It was kind of cool talking to him. He has two different sides he portrays at the same time on the outside. It's kind of cool to see. He's got this deep sad side, and this very playful happy side. It's alot like Chrissy.. only her sad side is on the inside and I'm one of the few who have seen it. He seemed a bit annoyed about some things, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't know him too well, I just know he seems really cool about things. Heather kept asking if we should call Chrissy. I kept saying no, of course. I told her eventually to just call a random person and not tell me who. Hoping it would be Chrissy.. that way I could be silent and hear her voice.. and she would know I was on the line, and I would have my Butch Walker playing in the background. The point?? I don't know.. I'd probably end up being hurt some how by something said, but I would hear her voice.. so being driven crazy would be worth it. I'm the only person I know who doesn't take happiness for what it is. I run around other people's happiness. Hearing Chrissy happy would satisfy me, even if it made me miserable. I don't get satisfied when I'm happy too often unless I'm actually with Chrissy now a days. It's sad and hard to understand, so I won't go into it. Tim 7:10 p.m. - 2002-07-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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