cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Feeling fucked over, Chrissy & Jessica, Chrissy & me, Not Mad, Staying to be a Friend Hello world, I think I'm in one of those positions where someone (Chrissy) wants to tell me they don't like me and that they're never going to work out. She tells me stuff, while we're talking on the internet, but basically it's not how she feels for me; it's how she feels for Jessica. I have no problem with that, I just need to know. It fucks with my mind. I don't know. You'd think if you were willing to go back to school after 14 months of inactivity that someone would be ready to believe that you were committed to them. Committed now, Committed later.. who cares.. I just wanted a life time thing, or atleast a fairly long relationship that wouldn't be regretable. I think the problem may lay in that Chrissy just doesn't like me. I just want to know the truth. I don't like hanging around wishing for something to happen when it's not going to happen. I would rather just be her friend then be an aspiring love for more than 2 weeks. She doesn't call me either. I don't think she wants to. I really want to talk to her. Maybe my state right now is smothering her. I don't know, but I just wish I knew what was wrong. I think I'm just made to be alone. I promised myself I would be her friend if she decided to be with someone else, and I will. I'm just really bummed right now. I read her diary and got up and played Cree Summer f/ Lenny Kravitz.. it's a love song, I don't know.. It's just what I felt I needed. So I'm just going to talk to Chrissy normally, not about a relationship. If she chooses to avoid me or treat me differently, that's her choice. I just want to be here to talk to her. I guess this is my official step back saying I've had enough waiting & competing. She can let Jessica win. She seems to want her more. I'm not mad at her, I just wish I was told the truth a bit earlier. This seems to have been developing over a certain number of days. Oh well, I'll always be proud of Chrissy. It's just that if she's feeling smothered, why didn't she just tell me. It almost looks like it's turning out just like the last time we tried to be friends again and she got mad because I was smothering her and decided we just shouldn't talk anymore. It could all be avoided with a warning. Tim PS: "I had a mean sleep over you, and it hurts coming back to life" -Cree Summer f/ Lenny Kravitz "Mean Sleep" 3:56 a.m. - 2002-01-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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