cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chrissy, depression, fantasy. Hello again. I'm a little depressed. I don't like seeing Chrissy down. She's making me so happy, but when I think about her situation, I just break down. I'm even crying right now. I don't see how it's possible that I'm crying for her, especially when she's making me so happy. I just don't think it's right for her to be in this situation. She's a depressed person, and I don't know if I'm crying because I'm worried, because I miss her, or both. She's going to be gone until Monday. She's going away for Thanksgiving, I think. Even though this is making me feel all bad, it's fucking worth it. If I can help her find happiness again, then it's all worth it. Her soul is depressed, that's the way it's been for a long time. Her personality is her way of coping with the depression usually. She's got a happy personality, but she doesn't let the hurt soul show. The soul has been exposed, and is in pain, so it's emotion is enflamed right now. That's just my theory. I've been having this fantasy all night. It's from this one angle, the image, and it's me and Chris playing guitar on stage, each on one side of Chrissy. Chrissy is singing really good, at least it looks it. I could barely hear though, like the monitors were messed up. But, she was very charasmatic. We were up there playing "Are You There?" by Oleander. She had good crowd interaction, and when she song the long phase, it went into my guitar solo and Chris played the rhythm parts, and I played the lead (which is weird and odd.. so Chrissy IS affecting me artisticly), anyways the song starts out very rhythmically, but the singing makes it melodic at the chorus and the guitar solo is completely melodic. I think, and I'm not good at this shit, but it's a change of metamorphisis, Chrissy and I were just rockin out together while I was pulling off the ascending line. It was a beautiful rock moment. I hope it comes true. It's almost an epitome of Chrissy, the song and the way she was acting in my fantasy. She was so charasmatic and happy, even though deep down the songs meaning is deep, depressed, and soulful. I don't know. I think if Chrissy's voice can merge with whailing guitars, it'll be awesome. Oleander is a band I'd like to be like. So soulful in music. I'd like to be like the Marvelous 3 too, so charasmatic on stage. I think that in the long run we'll be best friends. I don't know about more though, sometimes the cards just don't fall right. I'd love that more though. My main goal is to give her the best opportunity right now and try to get her happy. If something happens sooner or later, we'll figure it out. We'd get the kinks from the first time around smoothed out. We'll do the same in our friendship, if it doesn't exceed that. Tim 1:55 a.m. - 2001-11-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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