cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Julie, diary locking, walking, karma, dream, poll Holy hell. I'm so spent man. I just walked about 5 miles, up and down hills to the gas station in the middle of the night. The whole walk feels amazingly evil. I don't live in the best part of town, ya see? Went to the gas station to get some food. Almost stopped at Huddle House, but they were packed man. At 5 AM. What's up with that? It's about an hour each way. It sucks so badly walking on 441 because there are trucks goin back and forth, and anyone who has done a lot of walking knows how bad trucks speeding by while you're walking are. If you don't know, It's similar to when you have a fan oscalating on high, and it comes around and smacks you in the face. It's like that, only 5 times harder and full body. They have some of that Nesquik Very Vanilla Milk there, so I got two of the overpriced 16 oz bottles of it. I got as much food as my hands could hold. They need baskets up there. It still only came up to $11. This food is to last me atleast a couple of days. I was surprised, the lady at the counter knew suggestive selling. She was like "You know, if you get two of these Dorito's, it's $3, but if you only buy one it's $2." I was like "wow, lemme go get another one. I also got some Twinkies (It's been forever, I ate those right away). I forget how many nutty buddies. I pack of gummy bears. Two vanilla milks, and one SoBe Lemonade (which is an interesting taste, good... but doesn't deserve the title of Lemonade." A lot of things led up to my walking. I only have Ramen Noodles and some mac & cheese dinners left, and I needed something good. DAMNIT. I JUST REALIZED THEY DIDNT HAVE OREOS THERE. *GRR*. I needed something sweet. That & Julie msging me tonight. It's like I wanted her to msg me, I was waiting for her. But her combination of words weren't what I could stand to hear. I wanted to hear about the Pearl Jam concert, coz I think it was yesterday, or today. But most importantly, I wanted some kind of reconciliation. All I got was a "how are you" and "i was checking up on you". Stuff you don't really care to hear. Sometimes it'd be better if she could forget about me. I've tried to push her out of my mind as of late, and for the most part have suceeded. But her messaging me just left me sour. It made me want to say "look, i only like you one way, and i can't like you that way if you're not going to atleast be supportive of me and listen to my problems and give me suggestions.. I mean, that's what lovie-dovie's do." But I figured that wasn't the right thing to say or do, so I just got offline. *sigh*. I mean, I wish her well, and I wish we would work. I just don't think that's what she wants. It's sorta like the whole Wayne's World thing... where Wayne was telling Garth how he didn't think Cassandra wanted him. Julie and I worked rather well. I just think sometimes she made me hate her. And I guess now I do hate her still. I love her and I hate her at the same time. She just didn't seem to care about my feelings, and that's one thing I will never accept out of anyone, even as a friend. I can understand a disagreement with feelings about things, but totally ignoring my feelings about things doesn't help. So yeah, I needed to complain about that. That's another reason I needed to walk. Needed to get some thinking time. I really do want her and I to work out, but I think she wants someone else. I was having a pretty interesting day up until that happened. I slept during the day, had about three dreams.. each ending with the phone ringing. Actually, Jer knocked on the door once. I had a really cool one about making out with girls in my mansion, and my pimp tight room. When I got to my room there was a big ass party with all my old friends in Camden County in it. Well, not my old friends, mostly people I hardly ever talked to, for the most part I don't even know any of their names, just a couple of them. And there was a midget in a wheelchair there too. The face was familiar, but I can't remember who. But yeah, I wanted to make out with a girl in my room alone, and so I kicked everyone in the room out, except the girl I wanted. I'm amazed with me getting what I wanted, now that I think about it. So it was me and her, on my bed and she was in my lap and I was making out with her. About that point in my dream, I realize that the midget was still in the room, because I Thought it would be mean to kick the midget out. I know that doens't make sense to ya'll. But yeah, I was rubbing up on the girl.. over and under her skirt. Yellow panties. I don't know why yellow. That color is a turn off for me. And we were into it. Eventually I kicked the wheelchaired midget out and he was out in the party with the rest of hte people outside my room, after awhile I left outside my room adn the midget was passout drunk out of his wheelchair faced down on the ground. I know you guys are laughing now. Haha. It was amusing. What it all means? I don't know. I think it means I have really weird ass dreams. I liked that dream. i can only remember one other time I had any kind of sexual contact with someone in a dream. Lots of kissing, but no making out or hand contact except for once before. Either way, Read my previous entry... it talks about me locking my diary in 21 hours. UGH. I just get home and Jer asks me if I want to go to Wal-Mart. Haha. I guess my karma is evening out.. between the hockey game and the Gin Blossoms, I think I've got my fair share of Karma balanced out. Oh well. I'm gonna go. I'm in the mood for asparagus. Maybe I'm allergic to it, but I've been watching foodtv a lot lately and it looks really good. With my luck, I'll be allergic to it. Tim 6:13 a.m. - 2003-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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