cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- miserable day Hello. Sorry for the lack of actual entries lately. Haven't been feelin too well today. Was hopin to talk to Jaime today, I really need to just bitch right now. I'm having a horrible day for no apparent reason. Maybe it's coz Meagan went to a concert and I don't have my buddy to talk to. I don't know. Either way, this thing with Jaime is weird. I already miss talking to her. I guess that's not weird, though, coz she is my only friend so far. I mean, I'm almost pissed off with myself because she hasn't been around all day. I don't know. One thing's for sure: I need more friends up here that I can talk to. That way when one isn't around I always have others. Reading through her livejournal makes me wish I could be as carefree as she seems to be. I just think I have work to accomplish, because I do. I have spiritual work to do. It seems as if I'm failing with my spiritual journey as of late and I know God understands, but it still makes me feel really bad. I need a really strong Christian friend to help me grow and a weak Christian like myself for a girlfriend. When I just have the weak girlfriend, I end up entangling myself in everything I know I shouldn't with the girl. When I'm with a girl too strong I can never feel like I can be part of the relationship because I'm so new at this. But if I had someone to look after me in accountability, and still be with my Christian girl, who also wants to grow, then I can grow and I can grow with my Christian girl and I can have an accountability type of person to help me conintually grow. I think that'd be a good plan of action. Or I could just be single. That's what makes me most comfortable right now and it should probably stay that way. One thing's for sure, though, I need some kind of person to be here for me whenever I need them. Guy or girl. Someone who will talk on the phone with me, ask me how I'm doing, let me talk to them in any manner I want without getting offended... I want them to offer their advice, not to give up, to make me want to grow as a Christian. That would be so nice for me. I mean, I don't need it. I don't need a damn thing except me and God, but I imagine that would help me out immensly. I'm sure you guys get my drift. I don't know. I just wish I could make sense of myself. I haven't been happy or sad as of late, but today has just been awful for me. I'm just gonna stop complaining and look for more friends. As the tears roll down, 11:31 p.m. - 2003-04-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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