cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- major venting with major screaming OK. I need to vent. I was planning on moving, right? And everytime I get to that point where I'm on the verge of moving, I get really depressed and upset. I mean, I have nothing up in Athens and it's just not my scene up there. The people aren't friendly and of the same kind like they are down here in St. Marys. Everything is so much faster up there, and I just want to live the slow life. But no, everything wants to push me out of here. I mean, how come my family can't appreciate it here? This is probably the best place they've ever lived and they're all too blind to see it. It's fucking stupid. I mean, seriously it is. Here there was just enough action that you wouldn't have to jump into it, but you could also just sit back and watch the action and be entertained. I mean, Camden is full of gossip, but you don't have to become part of it. It's a beautiful thing. There is nothing wrong with living here. There's so much beauty in this city. Especially in the downtown area. There is so much to learn and to see. I mean, the only logical reason why someone would want to move out here to some place like Comer, GA.. like my father, is out of sheer ANTI-SOCIALNESS. He claims it's because it's so out far in the nature and it's beautiful and all that, but it's bullshit. He just doesn't want to feel part of any kind of community. Now don't get me wrong, I've had the best two or three months talking to my dad recently than I've had in a long time, but you can't claim the beauty up there is anywhere NEAR as beautiful as the beauty that is here. The beauty that is here transcends time. I mean, you can see anything from the 1700s all the way until 2000 here. I mean, this has confused me so much. I think my dad really just moved because he was sick of his job down here or something. I don't know, but it's bull. He had a nice job down here, with nice people. He could have stayed at Flints, Soundtrax, or even Vista (even though I didn't like them much), and he'd still have more than he has there. So anyways, yeah, I don't want to move. I wanted to and every time I do want to my mom keeps pushing me to move up there. That makes ana lready made decision so much harder. I don't understand it. She said I can't keep a job here, I told her it's not my fucking fault that since I was 15 and kept asking for a license, she never decided to go and take me. But you know what's even more bullshit? HER FUCKIGN BOYFRIEND YELLED AT ME AND TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE HAD IT BY NOW. HE DID THAT WHEN MY MOM WAS IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING OUT, ONE OF MY FIRST DAYS HERE.. I WAS TRYING TO BE MATURE AND NOT SAY ANYTHING. SINCE OBVIOUSLY BEING MATURE IS TAKING SHIT FROM PEOPLE JUST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MAKING THINGS BETTER. I MEAN, JESUS, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM OFF RIGHT THERE. HE DIDNT RESPECT ME, AND I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. ITS LIKE _NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK_, I SHOULD HAVE HAD MY LICENSE, BUT DO I NEED TO BEAT A FUCKING ROCK UPSIDE THE TOP OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD BEFORE YOU REALIZE THAT I ASKED SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD? IT'S NOT MY FAULT. PEOPLE ALWAYS THOUGHT I WASN'T MATURE... BUT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AS MATURE AS YOU'VE TREATED ME. I'VE ALWAYS MADE THE BEST OF WHAT I HAVE GOTTEN. LIKE WHEN I WORKED AT DAIRY QUEEN AND MOM HAD TO PICK ME UP EVERY FUCKING DAY AT 1 FUCKING AM!#% IT'S LIKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MOM, DON'T BITCH ABOUT COMING TO PICK ME UP IF YOU JUST GOT DONE BITCHING ABOUT ME NOT HAVING A FUCKING JOB. AND I ASKED FOR MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS EMPLOYED THERE TOO, WHAT'D SHE SAY? MOTHERFUCKING EN-OH. NO. MY PARENTS EXPECT ME TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE SOMETIMES AND IT FUCKING HURTS. IT HONESTLY DOES. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERYTIME I QUIT A JOB IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. Now, I'll admit. Wal-mart was my own damn fault. I should have went to a person higher in authority than to have quit because someone above me was being an asshole. I should have waited it out instead of quitting for being there alone by myself stokcing shelves only my 4th day there. I mean, that shit would have passed. That's MY fault. But what isn't my fault is hearing my mom bitch about picking me up at dairy queen. Or having to quit subway due to lack of fucking transportation. That's not my fault, and it's not fair because people bitch to me about it. I mean, come on, I asked for my license and I asked every week from the time I was 15. IF you ignored me, then don't expect me to get a fucking job. I'm 19 now and I deserve to live by myself if I want. But since you didn't adequately fucking prepare me.. Since you didn't give me a chance, you have the options of finally teaching me how to drive and giving me a boost, you have the option to keep paying my bills (or even to help me find a job I can do from home), or you have the option to cut me off. Those are your options. You do not have the option to force me to get a job. That is an impossible option. So stop complaining and make your choice. I'm sick of acting all good and nice and getting stepped on. If being mature means getting stepped on because other people don't care about your feelings, and if being mature means taking that shit with a smile. Then you know what? Maybe I need to be "immature". Or maybe I'm more mature than all the rest, because maybe I'm the one who does think of things from everyones perspective right now. I mean, I can't remember the last time my mom has ever done anything to help me that would require a sacrifice of time or money on her part. It's like, how hard woul dit have been to get off early one Tuesday and taken me to get my license? Exactly. I rest my case. I just needed to vent. I just hate people acting like I'm some kind of no-goal deadbeat who intends to keep leaching of my parents. I don't deserve to be treated like that. My intentions are good and I have the will to succeed and always have. So stop holding me down and stop complaining, unless you want to give me some support to make the situation you're complaining about not impossible. Tim 10:54 p.m. - 2003-03-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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