cuke15's Diaryland Diary
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God's miracles in my life
You know, life is funny sometimes. I've seen so many ugly things of late. So many hurt people. Some I couldn't comfort, some I could. I've seen dozens of confused people. I've seen dozens of people who are having it worse off than I am right now. Sure, I'm having bad feelings right now. Sure, lots of bad stuff has happened to me, but it's funny when you actually look to God. When you actually make some kind of conscience effort. I mean, even if you tear your guard down and scream out.. just asking for the real God to reveal the truth. If you do that, it's amazing how much comfort will come to you. Maybe not right away of course. But if you're actually trying to make a conscience effort to better your life, and a conscience effort to find the truth. I mean, I learned something new today... Julie usually teaches me things. I have yet to read the Bible in full, and it's amazing the things God has done for me. It's so amazing. It's so obvious. This isn't a "oh that's could just happen" thing. That's what people who are blind say. That's what people who don't want to know the truth are. God gives hope. Hope is what I basically just said. I mean, I know things that have happened that mean so much to me, and it's more than human psychology, as others would label it off as. There has to be more than that. Now, I was afraid of my faith. I was afraid of not having complete faith. I still don't have my complete faith, but I have more now than ever. And you know why? I thought something wasn't right, but Julie used the Word and God was talking to me through her. It basically eased all my doubts when she said that in the Bible it says you are given A MEASURE of faith when you first come to talk to God and first come to search for the full truth. Not necessarily COMPLETE faith. You can't just basically say that something is not true until you have faith it is completely untrue. Seek the truth and you shall find. But yeah, as I was saying. I've had a rough spiritual day. I've been constantly sinning. Lusting of the female body. Perverse lips. I mean, but I'm focusing on my sin too much and not on God enough. That's what I was told and that makes a lot of sense. I mean, why focus on what you have bad? You can't work on what you have wrong in your life if you're too busy focusing on it. If you're focusing on what's good in your life, the bad will become weak. So if you bring the bad out in the light and admit what you've done wrong, and then turn to the ultimate good in this world then the bad won't even survive. Or atleast, it won't win so much. I read an interesting entry about repent. Yes, I still read your diary. And, yes, I agree that that bastard didn't repent. I don't know why. Actually I do... you know why? To fully repent you DO have to pull and drag your sins into the light. Let the world see. So, I feel ya. Even if we don't talk much. You're in my heart and prayers. See, to me, from what I feel. Repenting isn't about never doing these things again... it's about hating the things you do, feeling ashamed. Humans are weak. We fall into addictions, hell traps. We fall into places where sin entangles us. But being repentful is a good thing. If you repent enough eventually you're going to get fed up and just do whatever it takes to get over it. This is where human psychology DOES come in. You will repent over it, and your human tiredness and sickness of being ashamed will finally overcome it and renew you into a person who can kick that stuff to the curb. It may be hard, but it will be done because you have gotten over it and are above it. Thanks to God. But it's not all human psychology. God has comforted you. I haven't felt comfort from God in such a long while. I had a good month last night, but it's degraded since then. I haven't felt comfort for awhile, just degradation, but when I finally threw all my thoughts out in the open, brought them out into the light I just felt so much better. All my thoughts and negativity and doubts were the act of Satan, and here's my bit of extra faith that came to me tonight. When all was said and done, I felt comfort. I felt peace over me. I felt unafraid of human encounter. I felt fear in God, just like I have for a long time, but through this comfort, through this comfort I felt fear and love at the same time. I felt like someone just hit the switch and made my day better. They say when two Christians are talking that Christ is there in between them. Sometimes I think that's why Julie just gives me the exact scripture I need to hear at all times. Because it's not really Julie giving to me. She always does it too. I mean, there's a million things she could say that could relate to the situation that I've read in the Bible which wouldn't help me at all. But amazingly, she doesn't say them. She gives me a combination of things, or maybe even just one verse. And all of them when put in sync make an incredible and amazing and unique piece of advice. A miracle. It's not what she says either. It's also what I may have happened to read at that day too. Or something I was meditating on too. Like I was reading the last part of Deuteronomy today. (Yay, I finsihed it). God was talking about secrets. How we don't know everything. I was thinking about that. I was kinda like "yeah, that's probably best." and didn't really think about it much until Julie helped me with my problems with "God doesn't work in our ways, he works in his way... a way we can't understand." A way which he doesn't show us. Which goes along with being secret. Those verses went so well together, because they barely relate but they relate in such an amazing way. And no, it wasn't a coincidence. Don't be stupid. A blind person would say that.
I'm gone for now.
All I say now is to Praise God. He's worked miracles in my life today and all you have to do is look for him too. You don't even have to believe in God for him to hear you. That's something I've found unbelievable so far. You just have to look twoards him and talk to him. Talk to him with an honest intent and an honest interest of doing right. Ask for the truth. It'll come. Slowly, like in my life, or quickly, but it'll come if you keep your heart, soul, and mind open to it.
Tim
PS: HAha.. This is cute. It seems Julie, Me, and Charlie Brown are having a good day. It's a miracle man!
1:16 a.m. - 2003-02-28
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