cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- for you The feeling I get staring out into nothing, thinking of you. If I could describe it, you would have been here by now. The feeling I get listening to "Don't Dream It's Over," staring out into nothingless still, imagining in my mind, us together in passion, my hand under your head, moaning into your mouth. Not the sex, but the feeling. The image of closeness, of two becoming one. The time I spend staring at the phone as I lie in bed at night. Thinking of you. Maybe this has gone too far. Maybe it hasn't gone far enough. Maybe I need to be alone. Maybe I need someone else. No I don't, I know I need you, but maybe with some different circumstances. This all hurts me so much. They've came to build a wall between us. They won't win, because a delay won't kill the inevitibility of my love for you. So hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over. I love you. I love you so much. When we aren't talking, I not only miss you, but I miss myself. Because I've burried myself in your heart. I've burried myself in you. And I didn't burry myself in you when we met, I burried myself in you when you took a breath of air I had already taken. I burried myself in you by living through your experiences, and by seeing things the way you did. That's what I feel. That's what I need. That's why I want to be put in that passion, between you and I, so I can take a loan from you of myself. I never want to leave you arms, so I will never have to be without myself again. As Joydrop, who recently broke up, said "it feels like spiders all over me." I don't know. I don't want this to end. I want guidance, and I want to work as a team. I want to work with you and Jesus. Because you, he, and I are the only three who know what we have. What we are. I want to make this work, even with all the doubts and all the fears I have right now. I want us to work. I want you to support me and mend my wounds. I want to be told everything will be ok. That's the thing I need most. To know that what I invested in you, myself, will never be far from me. I love you, 1:43 p.m. - 2003-01-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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