cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cast page, update on services, mowed the lawn, I'm just like Peter Oh Hello. I'm having yet another productive day today. I agreed to help my mom mow the lawn today. Aren't I sweet? Oh well. I am also FINALLY working on the cast page for my diary. BUT I HAVEN'T FORGOT ABOUT THE THINGS I WAS DOING YESTERDAY. They're just taking sometime. Actually, the whole Apache webserver thing is going to take some time. I'm going to just going to wait until I actually have the complete will and determination, as well as the time, to sit down and learn it. I'm having trouble with the configuration of my IRC server as well. I might have to switch daemons. The FTP server isn't done, but shouldn't take more than 5 minutes to do, considering there's a nice little program for it and all that. I got a frickin' blister on my finger. *cries*. I felt really good mowing the lawn, though. I felt like I had actually done something good for someone else. I was thinking about some of Julie's older entries, one in particular about everyone needing a Judas in their life. The entry can be found here. I was thinking as I was finishing up Matthew earlier... I was thinking "who that I've read about do I most act like?" And the answer, hands down, is Peter. He just kept falling, but he just got back up and he fell, and got back up, and he fell, and he got back up. He was named Simon, then Jesus called him Peter. "the Rock". Jesus will build his church on Peter. Maybe I'm just like Peter. I do seem to keep trying, as hopeless as it seems. Sometimes I hate myself for trying so much, but is that really a bad thing? I don't know. He was a very impulsive person. My study bible says "very brash and impulsive." And the lessons my study bible suggest would be good to learn from Peter's life are "Enthusiasm has to be backed up by faith and understanding, or it fails." "God's faithfulness can compensate for our great unfaithfulness." "It is better to be a follower who sometimes fails than one who fails to follow". Those are all great lessons I need to learn. I'm such a bad Christian, it's not even funny. I have little faith, but I do have some. I need to ask for faith. Peter's life was used to show people who weren't necessarily wicked, but (this is all in my opinion) to show that God can change even people who continually fail. God loves everyone. That's the lesson I've been trying to learn. And I say to you people, if you aren't interested in hearing my Christian preaching in my diary, you do not have to come. I will not stop. He was also the one who denied Christ three times during his trial. I'm the one who has thrown God away so many times. Maybe that's why I'm like Peter. It gives me a lot of faith reading his story, though. Jesus still called him his brother after he was ressurected. Even after Peter denied him THREE times. If we're willing to change, someone is there to forgive us. I don't know. I think that's beautiful. I think we have to take what we can give and use it. There is a purpose behind it. Other than just serving the Lord... when we do his work we make this world a much better place. Life as a Christian may be hard, but it is fulfilling. It's not just fulfilling in your eternal life. It is also fulfilling in this life. If you serve others, you eventually come to feel better about life. That's another lesson I learned from Julie. That's where I think maybe people go wrong. They think it's a punishment to choose God. Oh well. I'm beginning to love giving my views on all of this. All I know is I'm one of the worst persons on this Earth and I feel I can help save other people too, if I've come from being this bad to actually pointing in the right direction again. I can't think of myself above anyone else right now. I really can't. I've began to realize that we're all horrible people no matter what. I just realized that we have hope... and everybody deserves to be told this. Maybe that's why I like writing. So yeah... that just came out of nowhere. You know, I'm here for any of my friends. From the past, from the present. I just want to be able to help you. If you can listen to me, I can try and help. Listening never hurt anyone, right? Tim 3:04 p.m. - 2002-11-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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