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Here's a good explination of things.. I took out the other persons context for privacy reasons
Afae1: because i hate peopleAfae1: i hate people
Afae1: because my ex whom im not speaking to
Afae1: came over yesterday
Afae1: and im still trying to get over her
Afae1: but she came over because she thoght i'd hav esome pot.. and even though she came over as part of the reason I know she wouldn't use me like that.. she just wanted to have a good time with people she cares for..
Afae1: well, not using me.. but that was one of hte main reasons.. she obviously thinks about me and cares about me..
Afae1: but
Afae1: after awhile. after the weirdness
Afae1: we kidna got along
Afae1: but that's not how its supposed to be.. it felt good and all... but i'm sure it surprised her as much as it did me that we got alogn so well as we did too.. i mean.. i guess she was fulfilled even though she didn't score some pot.. so she wasn't using me
Afae1: we're supposed to be moving along from each other
Afae1: it hurts so much when im with her.. it stresses me out
Afae1: blha anyways
Afae1: her sister went out with shawn, my buddy.. and her and i were there alone and i coudln't even look at her.. but ic ould feel her sorta, and i haven't felt her in a while.. and i felt so unsafe
Afae1: even though we were talking about jan.. but chrissy made some good poitns baout jan
Afae1: nah.. it's not like that.. we just can't talk.
Afae1: she's thrown me away and i hate the feeling i got from it.. so i finally was getting on my feet and walking off and was feeling damn good until last night
Afae1: and im still feeling good.. i mean, it's great when her and i get along... but no matter what when were together.. as friends or as mnore.. one of us doesn't want to try.. so it ends up failling
Afae1: but yeah.. we got drunk instead.. shawn and i.. and audiovent was on jay leno lst night
Afae1: and shawn was like HURRY UP ITS ON
Afae1: and i ran out
Afae1: and i have a hardwood floor with mats on it
Afae1: so i ran out
Afae1: and i slipped and fell the floor
Afae1: it was fun until i woke up and was all sore
Afae1: i respect you thouhg
Afae1: being sXe
Afae1: heeh
Afae1: wow.. i've always wanted to do that
Afae1: im sure it is
Afae1: but the thing is
Afae1: when you're like that
Afae1: atleast you seem to be in control
Afae1: its not really my mind im worried about
Afae1: when theres sex and drugs and alcohol in my life
Afae1: it's just that i get really sexual and impulsive..
Afae1: not to an unsafe point
Afae1: like.. when im doing stuff.. like drinking or smoking
Afae1: i get really sexual.. and impulsive.. like ill just kiss someone out of the blue.. or ill get into deep with someone
Afae1: yeah, thanks
Afae1: luckily i dont do too much
Afae1: not anymore atleast
Afae1: no... that's nto waht ido
Afae1: believe me..
Afae1: its just when i do shit
Afae1: it makes me do what i cant do when im sober
Afae1: it makes me express my feelings more
Afae1: which is a bad thing
Afae1: it's ont that i dont like who it happens with
Afae1: no.. it's never like that with me
Afae1: and it never will be
Afae1: shit man.. the hardest thing i've ever had to learn
Afae1: in life...
Afae1: was to look at people for what i can give to them
Afae1: instaed of what they can give to me
Afae1: and the only time that method ever fails is when it gets to deep
Afae1: and you think you're helping and you're not
I edited this a bit, but not by much.. the whole general point and outlet and rememberance this entry is supposed to serve is still the same.
11:21 p.m. - 2002-08-16
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