cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jan(uary)/Chrissy Well Diaryland's servers went down.. so I'm typing this entry up in fucking notepad. How ghetto am I? Anyways... yeah, I talked to Jan(uary) (yes, that's exactly how I'm always going to write her name, just to annoy you people) for three or four hours on the phone last night. I thought she hated me and I knew I didn't like her coz of Chewy, but I knew I did like her for everything except that... but it turns out we both have never really had any ill feelings in between us except for me being pissed off with what happened. OH WELL, Just another day in Suburbia. We seemed to have a lot to talk about. I was like 10 times better playing guitar when talking to her. I had played "When She Comes" by Injected note for note. I was so proud of myself. I woke up this morning and noticed an ugly ass scratch on my guitar's finish! (my eppy).. I almost cried. I was so pissed off and realized it must have been from the dog stepping on it because I leave my case open. This is an UGLY ASS scratch.. so I do have to put a sticker or something over it. Yeah, anyways, Jan(uary) and I talked from like 10 something to 2 something. I guess that makes 4 hours. We probably would have talked longer if I weren't getting so tired. I wish I had some kind of new realization or new way to express how I feel about Chrissy, like I usually do.. but with a lack of development in the situation and with the lack of thinking time accredited to actually having something to do.. I have nothing to update on. I still feel the same as I have, though. Nothing can change that. I did get to thinking (about Chrissy) last night while I was talking to Jan(uary) and "Sober" by Butch Walker came on. I felt her last night, still, but I didn't sit and think of her like I have been doing. Maybe this will be my way to go back from thinking about her 3/4ths of the time to 1/8th of the time like I had usually had done. It's hard enough just to feel her all the time.. having to think about her hurts like hell too. I don't know anymore... I'm really happy for now... and I'm content if Chrissy is.. so this is a good state to be in, even though it's unsatisfying (read earlier entries). Jan(uary) and I wouldn't be anything long term, I'm guessing, because we both do have feelings for other people... strong feelings. Oh well, though, if something does happen you have to take it as it comes. I didn't think an extra option could open up. I'm sure she reads this diary now, too, so I think things would be just for fun and for someone to talk to. We'll see, though. I do still feel Chrissy is my soulmate, though.. I just wish she'd say she didn't like me and she hated me so badly so I wouldn't feel so badly about considering asking out, or saying yes to being asked out by someone else in the meantime while she (Chrissy) decides she doesn't want us to work out.. until she does. Because this is making me feel really guilty. I do just want everything OK and I'm really confused about the situation. I'll have to think about my feelings and intentions for Jan(uary) and see if things would be worth trying.. and I have to see what she would want too.. if she would even be willing for this. Tim 11:24 a.m. - 2002-07-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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