cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My first two days of school Hey world, Big update. I went back to school yesterday for the first time in about 14 months. It was neato. I first had seen Jon Fees at the bus stop. He thought I was dead. Haha. Anyways, I went to guidance before school & thru 1st period for my ID card, locker, and schedule that shit. They broke the news that I graduate there because I'll be too old. I feel like it's all fucking hopeless. I want to drop out again. Everyone has changed so much. Maybe I'm just the one who has. Either way it hurts. I just don't want to let people down. Anyways, I missed first period yesterday, so I went to second. Algebra with Ms. Lloyd. She seems pretty nice. I had seen Hannah before the class and gave her a sheet of paper to write me. More on her later. Anyways, second period blew ass. Next, I had seen Hannah after class and she wrote me. She has neat black hair now. Anyways, I went in to third, and I have first lunch, so I just sat my books down and walked to lunch. Niccole and Sheri hugged me. It was so neat. Anyways, we sat outside (Sheri and I). Chrissy came out and was like "IT'S TIM". I had told myself I wouldn't talk to her. Who was I fooling? I can't stop talking to her. I called her a bitch one minute, and the next minute, literally, I called her over and told her I was sorry for saying we shouldn't talk anymore. I knew I was fucking up, I just can't control it. She told her parents something and they hate me. Probably that I tried to rape her. That's what I've been told she told her parents. It's not fucking fair. I didn't do anything wrong. I was also told that she told her parents that Ty was stalking her. Ok. I don't know if that's true, but if it's anything like the situation where I was said to have tried to rape her, it's not true at all. It's an outlet to not have to deal with a person. It's not fair. Seeing her with Jessica makes me so jealous. I have nothign against Jessica, I actually think she's pretty cool as shit. I just.. I don't know.. I would be jealous of anyone who had her, because I don't anymore. I don't know why I still want her. She treats me so badly. I feel obliged to help her, though. I mean, she's still a friend. It's just the girlfriend part that she's been bad at. Someone I've wanted.. that's what she's been bad at. As a friend, she's been more than awesome. I just have to find a way to divert my energy into fixing shit up with her and making it so I don't like her anymore. It's mission impossible, folks. I don't know. I want to keep trying to talk to her. I want everything to work and not have her pissed at me. Anyways, Ashley (my other ex) came out. She's a bitch now. Such a shy girl, now a bitch. Stephanie really pulled her down. She totally blows me off. It didn't seem bad at the time, because the first day was more awesome. Lunch wasn't that bad.. I mean the Chrissy thing wasn't really in the forefront of my mind, and neither was the Ashley thing. I met a cool girl, Dyanne, who I have to write today. I promised I would. Anyways, 3rd period sucked. After 3rd I went to 4th. My friend Rachael is in there, so is my ex Brittany (BITCH!). Rachael and I got to talking and she gave me her phone number. I got on the bus and sat next to Mellissa. (I wrote her twice during the day). She liked me for a long time when I was in like, 7th grade. If I knew she was gonna turn out this hot, I woulda stuck around with her, believe me. I got home, tried calling Hannah. Not home. Did my homework. Called Rachael. We talked for about an hour. Good conversation. We're officially friends now. Tried calling Hannah again. Too late to talk. Day 2. Sat with Mellissa on the bus. Went to first period Spanish II. Liz is there and so are some other people. It's alright. Second period, blah blah.. etc etc.. Talked to Rachael, still upset about Chrissy. Talked to Hannah on phone. She doesn't like me anymore. I'm not liked anymore by anyone who used to. I hate life. So I'm all depressed. Jon came over with Steven though and we went for a walk. It was kinda fun. That leads me up to now. Tim 7:47 p.m. - 2002-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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