cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- there's a place off ocean avenue... I know it's sad mentioning this one Yellowcard song over and over, but it still blows my mind that I used to go see them in Camden County and now they're blowing up all over the country and the world. But I should really start saying things about their other music. But anyways, listening to "Ocean Avenue" *sigh, and the one song I do listen to has to be the big single* and hearing the lyrics makes me think about my life. "We were both 16 and it felt so right, sleeping all day, staying up all night." " " " " " 18 " " " " " " " " " " " " " When I was 16, I had a couple people with whom I stayed up all night with. We would talk on the phone or go out and do things. I never really had seen the sun except when I was going to bed. I miss those days alot. You get a lot closer to the people who stay up all night with you because there aren't as many people for them or you to interact with during the night. I mean, everyone knows what I'm talking about. Not too many people, though, know what it's like to live your life that way for a long period of time. I did it for such a long period of time, that even by the time I was 18.. like in the song, I was still staying up all night and sleeping all day. This time it was only talking to one person all night. Sometimes I'd have Shawn or Darnell come over, which was good. For the most part, though, it was just one person I'd talk on the phone with. I used to enjoy it so much. The same thing about getting close to someone applied over the phone too. I think about that and I miss how I felt back then. Then, not mentioned in the song, is year 19. Year 19, I was still doing this. 3 straight years I had went sleeping all day and not seeing anything but the morning sun, and if I woke up early enough the evening sunset. When I was 19 I met Laura. A little while after we met, her company packed it up and moved to Texas, leaving her to live on unemployment. I guess it was probably the worst possible time for me to meet her and move in with her. She could really not afford it back then. I didn't care, though. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being with her. I enjoyed sleeping all day and staying up all night. For the first time, though, I had someone to sleep during the days with. I was going to write this entry, up until I just wrote that last sentence, about how now when I stay up at night it isn't in the same beauty as it usually was before. But I've realized that it's because I have no one now at nights. I'm lonely and I think too much. I look back on all the times I had when I slept all day and stayed up all night. The one time I miss most, though, is the time with Laura. It was so fun to have someone to watch movies with late at night, and play games with, and even to argue with. It was nice to have just that one person. That one person to drive down Roswell Road all the way down to Peachtree down to Midtown. It was awesome fun to do that. Even the night we had got the traffic ticket in midtown, it was still a really fun night. I always had fun with Laura at night. I don't know if I liked the night so much because of the quietness, or because of the morning sun. I loved the morning sun. I loved it. It was the only time I could sleep. It was so peaceful. I know I sound schmalty, but I can't help but lay in bed when I had a long, usually good, night and I couldn't help but just sleep. The best sleep I've had my whole life. But now it's a lot different. Here, the sun doesn't shine in this apartment in the morning. I know that's something shitty to complain about, but it's just not the same. I probably wouldn't care, though, if I had Laura at night. That was the best part of it all. Laura ranks higher than my nights in downtown St. Marys with my chosen friend of the night back when I was 16. Even though my chosen friend was usually the one who was willign ot go out. There's something about downtown Saint Marys thats as beautiful as that morning sun. Especially at night. There's a lot of serenity there. This is all pre-waterfront park. The waterfront park, though, has added so much to the city. It's even more beautiful now. But when I was 16, it was still beautiful and looking back on it I can see it was probably the second most happiest time of my life. The first most happiest time of my life was staying up with Laura. It's hard for me to say this and have people believe it, but my time with Laura then was so amazing. It goes above downtown St. Marys. It goes far beyond the morning sun. Maybe thats why even in this apartment, those were the best times of my life. Just being with Laura. Even on the nights when we just stayed at home and talked on IRC with the Australians and stuff. Even then, I still had more fun. Laura and I have some rough spots now a days. It really tests and strains the marriage, but every day we still make it. I know things are going to be ok, though, because I know that there are still days when I feel like I did those nights. There are still times when I forfeit sleep for days at a time just so I can spend time with Laura when she gets home. So I can talk to her on the phone while she's at work. It's worth it. And I know that even in the day when Laura and I retire, when we don't have to work, we're still going to stay up all night together. Probably still talking in IRC. Probably still driving down whatever strip with all the neon lights is closest to us. Probably still sleeping together in the morning promise of a great new night. Until the day we die. These times staying up all night were the best times of my life. I remember when I was 16 and 18 staying up all night and then going to church on a Sunday morning. It's so beautful when you do that. If you relate to my entry atleast. It's a good way to see God as an end, just like how you see God as a beginning when you go early in the morning. I can't help but stay with Laura through the best and even the worst of worst because I know we'll have times like that again. I know it. I bet McKenzie will like the nights too, and stay out all night. It'll worry me to death about her school work, but I'll have to find a way to explain it to her that she can have time to do that during the summers. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but I guess all I've wanted to say was that I miss Laura, and I miss the nights we spent together. Tim 12:18 a.m. - 2004-08-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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