cuke15's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stupid and redundant, blue Parenting is very tiring sometimes. It's really trying on the soul. I'm really depressed lately. I don't even know why. I just don't feel like I know my daughter that well. I mean, I know I shouldn't know her that well... it's only been 5 days of being aquainted with her. I just have this dispair inside of me of knowing nothing about her. Not knowing what her cries mean. It takes a lot of troubleshooting to find out why she's crying, and I just feel hopeless. I guess that's how she feels too. She can't even tell me whats bugging her. So she has the same barrier I have, plus the discomfort of whatever is making her cry to begin with. Part of me is so tired of taking care of her, but the other part is pissed off with myself because I don't think I pitch in enough. No one else seems to notice, but I notice. I just don't know. I don't mind being so worn out from taking care of her, so maybe I should step in and do more. I just don't want to step in and steal Laura's time with her. Maybe if I just have somewhere to complain about it, like here, then I won't feel so bad in real life about all the work it is. Soon it'll be simple. It's already easier than it was at first. I'm still so dedicated, and still wanting to make this work. Laura is what's holding me up right now. She's the one who keeps everything in perspective. I think I'm just sharing some post-partum (sp?) depression with her. I still have this beautiful baby girl in my arms during the day. I still look at her and am amazed that that's mine and Laura's blood flowing right thru her. Maybe I'm just cranky from lack of sleep. I don't want to seem like a complainer in this very special time in my life. I should get some rest to prevent entries like this from coming out. I have to work tomorrow. I like work as it gives me something to do that directly helps out the family. Wow, family. I still pause when I say that word just to think. I don't know. Laura's mom has been amazing, and I'm glad she's here. Everything is good. I should be happy. :). There, an emoticon smile. I'm already on the road to not being sad anymore. I told you it would only be temporary. Ok, this entry is becoming stupid and redundant. Tim 10:24 p.m. - 2004-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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