cuke15's Diaryland Diary
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depression
Hiho. Timmy the Human here.
Do you ever get depressed, and it's a horrible depression, even though you're so happy? And even though you're depressed you don't mind because it's one of those depressions where you put on a mellanchollie song, not a completely sad one, but one that makes you feel something. YOu don't want to hear something completely obviously sad, but something where you feel the sadness because it's just there adn you don't know how. So you lie in your bed and turn off the light and just let your mind flow, resting your hand on your lower ribs. Taking a deep breath. it's like one of those ones where you're so in love but you're so far away from what you're thinking about. Physically, emotionally, spiritually... it doesn't matter.. you're just so far away. That's how I know in "Shimmer" by Fuel, the perfect song to demonstrate this depression, that I knew that their guitarist (who writes most of the songs), was just lying in bed one night, not able to sleep.. not wanting to sleep, just would rather think about his love and why he's not with that love for whatever barrier (of the three I mentioned), just lying in bed looking upwards, having these lyrics and melody in his head and just feeling it. Taking a deep breath, out through the nose, hand on upper stomach/lower ribs. It's a beautiful thing to think about. It's a very artsy state. I could write so much beautiful things right now if I was a decent songwriter like Carl from Fuel. I dunno man. It's a beautiful thing, and it makes me want to be a better perosn. I don't mind the depression as much as it hurts me because it shows me so much. I'm so happy but so depressed at the same time. I miss this kind of depression. You usually only get it when you lose a lover, but I haven't done that. So I miss this depressoin and tomorrow it'll be gone and I'll be missing it. But oh well. I think that this depression is from missing my love of middle school. I guess the Jason/Michelle/Darnell conversatoin just brought it back.
Tim
PS: Hahhaha
1:52 a.m. - 2003-03-07
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